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Title : A Little Navy Dress and Some Thoughts about Friendship
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A Little Navy Dress and Some Thoughts about Friendship

 For an opera as splendid as Turandot, especially when produced this sumptuously, one really should dress up a bit. But the practicalities of walking to the Skytrain stop through Saturday night's significant rainfall couldn't be ignored. My new Vince dress qualifies as dressy enough because Midnight Blue velvet! yet pairs easily with black tights and a pair of black ankle boots bought in Paris years ago. (This dress fits that category that Duchesse writes about here -- and it also channels the navy that Alyson posted about today, here.)

A scarf against the gusty wind, an umbrella, a  black, wool, narrow, very classic coat I just bought, a pair of leather gloves to keep my umbrella-gripping hands cozy, and I was ready. (For a better idea of the dress's colour, click here and enlarge the photo for a close-up -- it's a subtle shimmer of dark colour.)

Not particularly dressed up, no. Sheer tights, a bit more heel, a sparkly pendant rather than the scarf, and perhaps I could have piled my hair up a bit. . . . But I must say that I'm feeling better and better about my wardrobe matching my lifestyle, the way I've collected a number of garments that can come out to play for a range of activities and circumstances. This fall, I've added five new items (shoes, jeans, the coat, this dress (scroll down), and the Vince one you see here), and I'm close to ready for any occasion that's likely to pop up in my life.

This dress I especially love because the velvet and the swishy cut lend it enough glamour to take me to the opera, and also, as on Saturday, to a wonderful afternoon hotel for a catered, sit-down lunch a friend hosted to celebrate the women who had nurtured her through her 65 years and were going to be there for the coming decades -- isn't that a splendid idea!

I wanted to dress up a bit, but my overnight guest and I had lots of catching-up to do Saturday morning, and pyjamas were de rigueur over coffee and the delicious pastries (croissants! pains au raisin!) Paul brought us back from the nearby L'Atelier Patisserie. No time for gussying-up, in other words, but this dress let me feel festive without the fuss.

Being able to go from that late-afternoon event to a quick sushi meal before the opera, on foot and using public transit, braving the elements? While looking good and feeling not just comfortable but yummy-velvet-swishy coddled? This dress is already paying its rent!

Oh yes, and the hair as an element of my wardrobe. It's getting greyer and the curls are getting to a length I like. And at the opera yesterday, a lovely woman stopped me to ask if I wrote a blog (Do all of you stumble over my blog's name? That odd Latin moniker that I should probably ditch one of these days?). She'd recognised me by my hair (hello Rosemary? or was it Rosemarie?) and wondered if we might meet for coffee some day.

And perhaps we will. I've been thinking about friends and acquaintances, how we meet them, nurture them, open ourselves to some, haven't time for others, how they change over a lifetime, collectively and/or individually. I've pulled or been pulled away, geographically and in other ways, from various networks -- ecosystems even -- of friends numerous times in my life, and moving back to the city, away from some very dear friends of longstanding, was a way of controlling another rip in my social fabric. My hope was that by making this inevitable move earlier rather than later I'd have time to develop new friendships to delight and sustain me through my next decades.

This is happening more slowly, perhaps, than I'd hoped, and I must say that it's tougher than making friends while watching your kids play soccer or learn to swim. Tougher than making friends at grad school (even though I was, at grad school, at least 20 years older than the other students). Much tougher than making friends among my neighbours on a small island.

But life experience tells me that it will happen, and right now, I'm fascinated at seeing what's happening for me, socially, while I'm waiting for the BFFs to manifest in my 'hood. Rosemary and I may meet for coffee, and we may or may not feel a connection that will lead to another coffee or lunch. Or we might feel a potential connection but the logistics, the timing, the reciprocal need for a new friend, one of those elements isn't working right now. I'm trying, though, to be open, to trust in process, to allow time,  to enjoy meeting people in those moments we have together. 

At the opera on Saturday night, I sat next to a lovely woman and we chatted about the opera, a bit about grandchildren, As we left our seats after the applause finally died down, she and I said good-night to each other, and we commented on how much we'd enjoyed each other's company as seat-mates.  I said to Paul as we left, "I could see myself being her friend," even wished I could have been bold enough to offer my email address and suggest meeting for coffee. (Have any of you ever begun a friendship this way?)

Instead, I'm thinking of how lucky I am that the friendships I built in our last community are proving surprisingly resilient over the distance.  That I've got an international network of social media friends whom I've met "in real life" and who feel, honestly, like good friends although no, they couldn't easily be there for me, or I for them, in a crisis. That I've already felt the potential of acquaintanceships here to develop into friendships. That while I don't have friendships that deep or dependable nearby yet, I do have family, both immediate and extended. That I have a wonderful partner. And that I'm also very content, for long periods, with my own company.

And I'm also thinking of how surprisingly satisfying the fleeting or momentary connections can be as well. Visiting with my opera seatmate Saturday evening, the ninety minutes I spent with an Instagram friend in Portland last month. Lots of ideas about friendships and finding balance in one's social life, and about friendship and moving and ageing. . . . Hoping perhaps we can talk a bit about this over the next few weeks. It's a conversation I tried to start well over a year ago,  never quite managed to get back to in any sustained manner, and I'd love to pick up the threads again, so what we might weave out of them, together. . . .

Thus articles A Little Navy Dress and Some Thoughts about Friendship

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